I know this blog is geared towards all things political, but today I'm blogging about something else. Maybe because I'm not a political robot....sure, I loves me some political talk but there's more things swirling around in my head than just political rants and commentary on current events.
So here goes...my first non-political post, a post that shows I am human just like anyone who actually reads my blog.
Last night my seven year old son approached me while I was folding laundry, and in his sweet, timid voice he said, "Mommy, can I tell you something?"
I said of course! So I dropped the spiderman PJ pants I was holding and we sat down on the couch together.
"Mommy, I know what I want to be when I grow up."
"And what's that?"
"I want to be a doctor. Not like a regular doctor, I want to be the kind of doctor that helps people with cancer, like little kids with cancer. I want to find a cure for cancer cause kids should be able to grow up and become what they want to be, like firefighters and stuff."
Que the tears filling up my eyes.
"If that's what you want to do Zack then you do it! I know you'd be a great doctor!" I said to him, trying not to cry.
"And mommy, just so you know I don't want any money. I just want to cure cancer."
I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, kissing him on the head.
"You're a good boy Zacky, God gave you a good heart. Never lose that, ok?" I said to him.
"Ok," he said.
Then as he went to walk away he stopped and turned around.
"Oh and mommy, when I find the cure for cancer I'm gonna tell people that I did it for Grandpa John Henry." He then turned back around and scurried off to his room.
Ok, now the tears were flowing from my eyes. You see, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer in 1999 when he was 37 years old. I myself was just 15 at the time. He lived for 6 months after that, and during that 6 months I thought I could help save him. I searched the internet night and day for weeks looking for the best doctor possible. The cancer had spread to his liver and I found a liver cancer specialist in Pittsburgh, PA. The people in our small hometown in KY raised money for my dad to go there, and after his first visit he was optimistic. After being diagnosed they done surgery to remove the softball sized tumor from his colon, and that was a success. However, they found two small spots on his liver. After dad saw the specialist in Pittsburgh the plan was for him to come home and take chemo, then after 3 months he'd return to Pittsburgh to see if the spots had shrunk--if so, the doctor would perform surgery to remove them. I just remember my dad telling people that if this worked out, it'd be all because of me, that I saved his life.
Well, it didn't work out. I remember the day in August when the call came in from Pittsburgh. It wasn't even the doctor that called, it was a receptionist. The call was brief. My dad answered as my mom, my brother, and I sat around anxiously waiting for the news. After dad said hello there was a long pause, followed by him saying, "That's ok, everything happens for a reason, I know some people can't be helped."
I ran off to my bedroom, shut the door, and piled myself under the covers on my bed. I cried for forever, forever to a 15 year old anyway. When my dad found me he climbed in bed next to me and put his arm around me. I was facing the wall, and he whispered in my ear, "Baby girl, nothing lasts forever." I totally lost it, more so than I already had. I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. He then said, "I take that back, heaven lasts forever, and you don't have to worry because daddy will be in heaven with your maw maw Chapman." It was at this point that he started crying too, there we were, both of us crying as hard as we could. It felt so strange, like a moment when anything and everything in the world stops, time stops, and the only thing that keeps going at that moment is the pain and heartache you're feeling. My dad told me that if my brother, my mom, and I all gave our lives to the Lord that we'd be together again someday, but to always, ALWAYS, remember....that in the meantime he'd always be with me, in my heart and in my mind.
This was one of the most important life shaping moments in my entire life. It's something I think about often. My dad told me to never blame God and I never have, I understand God does everything for a reason, and somehow, someway, good always comes from whatever happens.
That good was my children. I know if dad hadn't died there would have been no way I would have ran off by myself here to NY and gotten married, I would've never had my babies Ashley & Zackary. Last night God reminded me of that when Zacky said what he did.
Though sometimes our lives seem horrible, or we're stressing and complaining about insignificant stuff, we all need to stop and remember---God is good, all the time.
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